


The Last First Kiss

by TheViolentFemme



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 22:03:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1664075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheViolentFemme/pseuds/TheViolentFemme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"His whole life, Dean had wanted to fall in love. He was young and stupid and he believed in true love and making your own destiny with someone. He wanted his first love to be his last and he saw that apple pie life in his head when he walked by his crush in the halls."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean had known Castiel Novak for as long as he could remember. Cas was the boy next door, Dean had a swing set in the backyard, and Cas would come over every day saying it made him feel like he could fly. When he was five, Dean flew up higher than he ever had before, and that was the day Dean Winchester met gravity. He tumbled out of the sky and broke his arm as he landed. Cas was at his side in a second, but the damage was done. It never quite felt like flying anymore to him, it was always more like getting ready to fall. Cas still flew though, and Dean was content to watch his friend from the safety of the earth.

...

When Dean was twelve he first started having the same feelings for boys as he did for girls. He realized that he found Adam prettier than he did Cassie. His whole life, Dean had wanted to fall in love. He was young and stupid and he believed in true love and making your own destiny with someone. He wanted his first love to be his last and he saw that apple pie life in his head when he walked by his crush in the halls.

...

When he was sixteen, Dean didn’t believe in true love anymore. He’d picked Alastair to be his first everything almost a year ago, and he couldn’t have been more wrong. He got more firsts than he bargained for. A first kiss. A first love. A first time having sex. A first slap in the face. A first time being called a whore. A first time being touched when he didn’t want it. Alastair was a possessive bastard, and he only got out when Cas saw Alastair hit him for the first time. Cas was never really one to get angry, but that day Dean saw a side of Cas that all the demons in hell wouldn’t dare to take on. He beat Alastair to a pulp, threatened to kill him if he ever came near Dean again. He took Dean to his house and tried to clean him up, but Dean just cried in Cas’ arms. Perfect Cas, his guardian angel next door. Cas just held him and told him it was alright, that Dean was safe, that he was sorry, so sorry he didn’t see it sooner, that he would never let anything like this happen again. Cas held him until he couldn’t cry anymore, and longer, until he finally fell asleep. The next morning when he woke up he was on Cas’ bed lying next to his friend with salty lines on his face from tears. Cas was awake, he looked like he hadn’t slept at all. Dean expected that he hadn’t.

“I lied to you, Cas.”

“What?”

Dean shook his head, fresh tears threatened to spill, but he refused to let them. He wasn’t going to cry anymore. “Love is a joke.”

“Dean-“

“I loved him, Cas. Look what it got me. Firsts are supposed to be the best life has to offer us. He took mine and he spit on it and now what do I have?”

 

“You have your last.”

“What?”

“Your last, Dean. The last person you’ll ever love. You’re going to find them ad they’re going to love you until the day they die, and you’re going to love them just as long. They’re going to be it for you. Don’t worry,” Cas grabbed his hand under the covers. “You’ll find them. You just can’t give up looking.”

“But, how will I know?”

“Maybe you won’t for a while. But one day you’ll wake up and- and you’ll just know.”

“You can’t know that, Cas. You’ve never even been with anyone, how can you know that?”

Cas smiled dreamily, “I found him already.”

“You’re with someone? Since when?”

“I’m not, he doesn’t know how I feel. Maybe he won’t feel the same. But whatever happens, no matter who I meet in between, I’m going to be in love with him until the day I die. He’s it. He’s my last.”

...

When he was eighteen, Dean lost his best friend to college. Cas went to NYU and had the time of his life. He made friends and went to parties and did things Dean never expected him to. Dean experienced a new first then, when he saw a picture of some blonde boy hanging off Cas’ neck and felt a hot curl of jealousy in his gut. When Cas came home for Christmas, Dean avoided him for a week before he could muster up the courage to face him. He had missed him so badly, but now Cas intimidated the hell out of him. He was smart and charming and gorgeous, God, when did he get so gorgeous? Cas had grown up so much and Dean was suddenly struck with how extraordinarily inadequate he himself truly was. He was working at Bobby’s shop as a mechanic for Christ’s sake. But when Cas saw him he smiled like a kid on Christmas, and Dean couldn’t help thinking that if Cas thought he was worth it, maybe he was. Cas only had a couple days left before school started again when Dean finally asked about the blonde boy in the picture.

“O-oh,” Cas stammered and blushed. “That was um, that was Balthazar. We were together. Briefly. Very briefly.”

“Oh,” Dean suddenly found immense interest in his shoes. “How serious were you?”

Cas let out a humorless laugh. “We were basically a glorified hook up, Dean. It was nothing.”

“Oh, okay. Hey, Cas?” Um, the guy you told me about– God, it must be about two years back now. The last guy. You ever, y’know, tell him?”

Cas went beet red. “Oh. No. No, I never did.”

“Why not?”

“Truly? I’m scared as hell.”

“I think you should.”

“What?”

“You should tell him.”

“Why do you think that?”

“I just- you deserve to be happy. And I mean he’s gotta be a good guy if you think so well of him.”

“What if he doesn’t like what I have to say?”

“If he turns you down he’s too stupid for you anyway. I’ve got work tomorrow, but I’m gonna grab some food at that diner on Main after my shift. You can let me know how it goes?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

...

Dean was eighteen years, eleven months, and sixteen days when his best friend lid into a booth seat opposite him.

“Well?”

“I haven’t told him yet.”

“Well why the hell not? Cas you’re leaving in a couple days and-“

“Dean-“

“What if he meets someone while you’re gone and-“

“Dean-“

“I just don’t want you to miss out and I don’t get why-“

“Because I’m trying to right now.”

There was a long silence before the cogs in Dean’s brain started turning again. Did Cas just say what he thought he said? And that meant. . .

“What?”

“Dean, you’ve been my best friend since I was four and you’ve always been there for me and all I ever wanted was to give you half of what you’ve given me and it killed me when I realized what I had let Alastair do to you but I was scared and I didn’t want you to be alone and I didn’t want to be just some rebound so I didn’t tell you and I should have I shouldn’t have kept it from you for so long but I couldn’t bear the thought of you not feeling the same was and-“

“I’m your last?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Dean. You’re it.”

Dean smiled wider than he thought he ever had in his life. Cas chose him. He wanted him. In a second he swung around the table, crowded into Cas’ side of the booth, and kissed him for all he was worth. All he could think were the words “perfect,” “finally,” and “Cas.” He grinned like an idiot when they finally broke apart.

“Hey, Cas,” he whispered.

“What?”

“You know what that was?” Cas shook his head. “Our last first kiss.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I like parallels so I made Cas' version of my one-shot

Castiel had known Dean Winchester nearly his whole life. Dean was the boy next door, the boy with the swing set that could take Cas halfway to heaven. His whole life, Cas wanted to fly. He envied the birds and insects with their wings that took them high, away from the earth. And when Cas was on those swings it was like he had grown feathers from his back. When Cas was five, Dean realized he was no good at flying, and after that they didn't swing together anymore. But Dean stayed by his side safely in acquaintance with gravity while Cas kept trying to reach heaven.

...

When Cas was eleven he realized he was in love with Dean. It wasn't really one moment in particular, though in reality he had been falling in love with the boy since the day they meet. One day he thought about Dean and smiled. Then he realized that he smiled every time he thought of Dean. When he was near him, his heart started fluttering and his stomach turned to knots. Dean knew him better than anyone, he was his best friend and he couldn't imagine his life without him. Maybe he was young, but he knew it was true. His mother always told him that, even though his father wasn't her first love, he was her last. And that was what mattered in the end.

...

Cas was sixteen when his heart broke for the first, and the second time. The first time was the day Dean walked home from school with him and Dean told him he had met a boy. He gushed over how sweet and charming and handsome he was, and Cas' heart sank a little further into his shoes with every word. He wanted to hate this boy, Alastair, he wanted to hate him with everything he had. But Dean looked so happy. He looked so in love. So Cas kept his mouth shut, he smiled and congratulated him, and later, when he was alone, he cried until there was nothing left.

The second time was the day Cas finally witnessed what he had been suspecting for weeks. Alastair shoved Dean against the wall and hit him across the face. Something inside Cas took over then, and before his brain caught up he had the bastard on the ground and was pummeling his fist into his face.

"If you ever hurt him again I will kill you, you son of a bitch"

Dean. Dean was hurt. He couldn't waste time with this asshole when Dean needed him. He took him home, got him cleaned up. Dean wouldn't stop crying, and that was when Cas' heart broke again. He couldn't bear to see his best friend, the boy he loved so broken. Maybe if Cas had told him years ago this would never have happened. Maybe if Cas could tell him now Dean would be able to pick himself up from Cas' bathroom floor. Or maybe he wouldn't. Maybe he would be repulsed and run out the door, and have no one. He couldn't let Dean have no one. Cas was many things, but he was not brave. The nagging thought of what if he says no was always on his mind, turning his resolve to rubble. Dean, his Dean, perfect, beautiful Dean. He had to have someone right now. So Cas stayed and just held him until Dean stopped crying. Cas couldn't sleep at all that night. He just laid there, alternating between watching the ceiling and watching Dean's sleeping form next to him. Maybe for this one night he could pretend Dean was his, that this was their room and their bed, and he could make his best friend happy. When Dean woke up he was about as chipper as could be expected.

"I lied to you, Cas"

"What?" Dean was holding back tears, Cas could tell. He didn't mention it.

"Love is a joke"

"Dean-"

"I loved him, Cas. Look what it got me. Firsts are supposed to be the best life has to offer us. He took mine and he spit on it and now what do I have"

"You have your last." Cas wasn't brave, but he could dare to hope once in a while.

"What?"

"Your last, Dean. The last person you'll ever love. You're going to find them and they're going to love you until the day they die, and you're going to love them just as long. They're going to be it for you. Don't worry," Cas grabbed Dean's hand under the covers for reassurance. Who he was reassuring, he wasn't certain. "You'll find them. You just can't give up looking."

"But, how will I know?"

"Maybe you won't for a while. But one day you'll wake up and- and you'll just know."

"You can't know that, Cas. You've never even been with anyone, how can you know that?"

Cas smiled at him. "I found him already." Maybe Dean would see, maybe he'd know. But the world doesn't work like that.

"You're with somebody? Since when?"

"I'm not, he doesn't know how I feel. Maybe he won't feel the same. But whatever happens, no matter who I meet in between, I'm going to be in love with him until the day I die. He's it. He's my last."

...

When Cas was eighteen, he found college. And drinking. And foreign boys. He moved to New York and it was like a while other world opened up to him. He found out that he liked things he never knew he liked, and he decided that waiting for Dean didn't mean he couldn't have any fun in the meantime. So he spent a weekend in bed with a boy from England and learned a few nice tricks he could do with his tongue along the way. But in the midst of everything new and wonderful, he never forgot the old and wonderful waiting back home. He thought about Dean constantly, what he was doing, if he had met someone. They talked, but not as often as Cas would have liked. Of course, if Cas had it his way they would never get off the phone with each other. So when he finally came home for Christmas he lit up brighter than the tree when he laid eyes on Dean for the first time in months. He was just as caring and charming and gorgeous as he remembered. God, he was gorgeous. And selfless. He was working to help put Sam through college in a couple years for Christ's sake. It was only a couple days before Cas was going to leave again when Dean brought up Balthazar.

"O-oh" Cas stammered and blushed. It had all been a bit of fun at the time, he hoped Dean didn't think badly of him now because of it. "That was, um, that was Balthazar. We were together. Briefly. Very briefly."

"Oh." Dean suddenly found immense interest in his shoes. "How serious were you?"

Cas let out a humorless laugh. Seriously nothing. "We were basically a glorified hook up, Dean. It was nothing."

"Oh, okay. Hey Cas? Um, the guy you told me about- God, it must be about two years back now. The last guy. You ever, y’know, tell him?"

Cas felt his face flush. _No, because I'm a coward and you don't read minds_. "Oh. No. No, I never did"

"Why not?"

"Truly? I'm scared as hell"

"I think you should"

"What?"

"You should tell him."

"Why do you think that?"

"I just- you deserve to be happy. And I mean he's gotta be a good guy if you think so well of him."

Christ, Dean was perfect. So perfect. And Cas was an idiot. "What if he doesn't like what I have to say?"

"Well, then he's too stupid for you anyway. I've got work tomorrow, but I'm gonna grab some food at that diner on Main after my shift. You can let me know how it goes?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I can do that."

...

Cas was eighteen years, four months, and twenty days when he slid into a booth seat opposite his best friend.

"Well?"

"I haven't told him yet"

"Well why the hell not? Cas, you're leaving in a couple days and-"

"Dean"

"What if he meets someone while you're gone and-"

"Dean"

"I just don't want you to miss out and I don't get why-"

"Because I’m trying to right now"

There was a long silence. Cas couldn't say anything, what would he say? He was just praying he wouldn't have to repeat himself because he didn't think he could do it.

"What?"

“Dean, you’ve been my best friend since I was four and you’ve always been there for me and all I ever wanted was to give you half of what you’ve given me and it killed me when I realized what I had let Alastair do to you but I was scared and I didn’t want you to be alone and I didn’t want to be just some rebound so I didn’t tell you and I should have I shouldn’t have kept it from you for so long but I couldn’t bear the thought of you not feeling the same was and-“

"I'm your last?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Dean. You're it."

Dean smiled so wide and Cas was sure his heart really was melting in his chest. Dean was happy. He wanted him too. Before he knew it he was being crowded into the both and kissed more solidly than he ever had before. All he could think were the words "perfect" "finally" and "Dean". He grinned like an idiot when they finally broke apart.

"Hey Cas" he heard.

"What?"

"You know what that was?" Cas shook his head. "Our last first kiss"


End file.
